“I just want to let go and move on.” ER  Needham MA.

 Where are you stuck with your mother, your father, your significant other, your children?

Would you like to move more freely through your life?

Please join us for

FAMILY MATTERS

An afterooon of Family Constellations

Saturday Oct. 1  12:00-5:30

The Westford Center for Counseling and Holistic Therapies

234 Littleton Rd. Westford MA.

Call or email Molly Salans

978-392-5998

MollySalans@MollySalans.com

$100 pre-registration required

Constellations tap into the energy field of our families, revealing some of the conscious and unconscious loyalties and patterns that were created out of love and a longing to belong. By witnessing a constellation unfold, you can begin sot see and feel your family in a new way enabling you to move more comfortably into your own life.

“You’re not the boss of me”; Your Seven-Year Old

It seemed like an overnight change.  My charming, huggable, snuggable and sometimes stubborn  six year old turned into this defiant, tenacious, seven-year-old the day after her birthday! “You’re not the boss of me,” she’d say, looking me straight in the eye, hands on her hips,  a new found victory curving her lips into a smile/sneer.

            And I?  I was in pieces. Just days  ago I was feeling more and more confident as a mom ever since I had licked the tantrums at age two and four and found a great way to handle nightmares at age 3;  Time-outs honestly helped for five and six, as I used them to help calm her down not as a punishment. Plus, I was back in graduate school getting my degrees in counseling psychology and later social work, and my life was finally heading in a direction that felt great.

            And here was my charming Sarah, defiantly taking complete control and succeeding!  My insides were in knots as she continued to find power in her ability to steer her life in the direction she wanted, while making mine hell.

            Her room remained a mess, okay, pick your battles I’d say to myself.  Allow her room to be a mess, she’ll soon learn. Her friends will say something to her, and she’ll clean it up out of embarrassment.  It was the little things that would build up over the week such as: not let me hug her in front of her friends: make me stop singing in the car to the radio while I was carpooling her friends.  (back then there were no I pods and ear plugs);  not letting me in her room without her permission: not wanting to play cards or watch movies with me; but wanting ALL  of these things at points when I couldn’t possibly give them to her.

            And no matter how much I promised myself I would not yell at her, I found us both out-screaming each other, ending with her slamming her door to her room, and me on my hands and knees begging Whoever was There  for help.

            Thankfully, I was in graduate school for psychology and was beginning to learn a few things.  Like the Stages of Development.

            I was reading that Sarah’s sudden change in behavior could be due to her brain expanding to take in more realities. She had gone through a growth spurt which meant the brain was growing. And when the brain grows, the child begins to see the world and herself in new ways.  At age 7, this development is called The Age of Reasoning.

            Before this stage, is the one called The Age of Magical Thinking.

            Magical thinking is when the 3-6 year old honestly believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and wishing on stars.  When the brain changes around the age of 7, the child is beginning to reason, how can Santa visit all of those homes in one night? And didn’t I see Mom buy that present for my brother? 

            The child also begins to experience a new sense of self, and wants to test this new self out against, who else? His parents! That expression, “You’re not the boss of me” brings an enormous sense of power to the child, and yet the power is new, and if the parent continues to give in to the child, the child will then be overburdened with too much power and the defiance and anger will increase!

            So what do you do?

            I was so pleased to find out that there were several things that could be done! I describe one of them here: Validation.

            Remember, this is the Stage of Reasoning, so that your child understands consequences for the very first time.

            I thought hard about that statement,  “You’re not the boss of me.” And in fact, it is true. We are not the boss of our children. They are little people developing their own sense of selves; and just like us parents, they do not like to be “bossed around.”  Think about it for a moment, is there anyone who really is the “boss” of you? 

            So what I said to her was, “You are right, I am not the boss of you. However, I do need to talk with you about how you physically push me away when I try to hug you. That hurts and makes me want to yell at you.  I understand you no longer want me to hug you, but can you find a different way to tell me?  And it does get confusing, because sometimes you do want me to hug you.”

            In the above conversation I validated both her comment and her feelings, and then I expressed my own concerns.  She was surprised to find that I wasn’t screaming back at her, and that I had actually acknowledged her truths! This got her listening to me.

            During this process there were many times I felt her wielding the power out from under me, and many a time where I wanted to scream at her. Instead, I practiced what I had asked her to do. I said, “I need to go to my room now, and put myself in a time-out. I’m angry at myself, and what you are doing is exasperating that anger. I don’t want to yell at you. So please leave me alone. I promise I’ll only be in for fifteen minutes.”

            She learned not to bother me, and about two months later she came home, throwing her back pack on the floor. Crying, she looked at me with her huge tear-filled brown eyes and said, “I’m in a really bad mood. I’m not mad at you, just at myself. I need to be alone for a few minutes. Please don’t come in.”

            With my heart in my mouth, I cried as I cooked meat sauce, watching it sizzle in the pan.  I breathed into my own aching heart, so grateful that I was able to listen to her, and she to me. So sad that she was so hurt, and I couldn’t help her.  But was that true?  When I took the time-outs I needed, I cried and journaled and felt so much better. Wouldn’t that be true for her? 
            I tiptoed over to her door, and put my ear to it.  She was talking to herself and creating a story. I didn’t know if she was playing with her stuffed toys or her dollhouse, but I knew not to remove either even though she was seven, and could reason her way through things.

She was seven. She was still a baby. Mine. Seven, after all, could be about growing pains.  A child at this age wants to believe in Santa, and wants to be little and at the same time wants to stay up later, call the shots,  boss others.  It’s up to us parents to learn what’s best when and then guide.

            And sure enough, there Sarah was making her dolls/stuffed animals reenact whatever had happened to her at school that day.  And just like me, I knew she would feel better, and come bursting out of her room, defiantly demanding dinner!

            It’s not an easy process, this parenting thing, and I know you all have similar stories to share, and need as much support as your kids! That is why, by popular demand, I am starting up my Conscious and Creative Parenting Support groups again. The groups are for parents with elementary school aged children.  There is still room to sign up. 

Molly Salans, LICSW, LMFT has been serving the Greater Boston area for over 20 years. She is currently in private practice at the Westford Center for Counseling and Alternative Therapies.  She is also the author of Storytelling With Children in Crisis.

Back by popular demand and at last!  A parenting support group for parents with elementary school-aged children!

Pick a date: Mon. Sept 19, 9:30-11:30 am OR Weds. Sept. 27, 7:00pm-9:00pm

$40.00

Held at The Westford Center for Counseling and Holistic Therapies

234 Littleton Rd. Westford MA. 01886

Each stage of development brings a whole new set of issues and just as you begin to think you “have it down” your child completely changes!  This parenting workshop will help you find your own creative places as a parent…digging down to the bottom of your toes for solutions only you can find!

This group has a potential of becoming on-going for five more weeks, depending on the needs of the participants.

Each parent-child relationship is unique-and so each momentary solution you find works for you and your child in that partiuclar moment.

Come share your frustrations and most inspired moments, and learn how to keep the latter alive!

Sign up for this amazing workshop and explore:

*How to take your unconscious parenting patterns and turn them into purposeful and meaningful tools toward your own self-awareness.

*How to meet all of your children’s needs while still meeting your own.

*How to say “yes” and “no” effectively.

*How to be your children’s guide instead of their friend or disciplinarian.

Sign up now!

Send me an email and I’ll send you the complete flyer!

Constellation Work is a systemic method developed by Bert Hellinger to help individuals go to the core of their issues whether it be work or family related.It is a powerful, intimate way of looking at what is from a completely different perspective. By acknowledging those who came before us, our grand-parents, great-grand-parents, great-great grandparents, in fact, our ancestors, we can grasp the idea that everything that has transpired in our lives is due to a set of conditions that occurred way back when.  And that these conditions have continued in our lives as unwanted, patterns that no longer serve us.By delving into the “knowing field” or into our family soul we can unravel the issues keeping us from moving forward into the world, and feel more freedom and more connection in  our lives as a result.

 Parenting is thee most humbling, challenging and rewarding job on earth. Each stage of development brings a whole new set of issues and just as you begin to think you “have it down” your child completely changes This workshop will help you find your own creative place as a parent-digging down to the bottom of your toes for solutions only you can find. 

Each parent-child relationship is unique-and so each momentary solution you find works for and your child in that particular moment. Come share your frustrations, and most inspired moments, and learn how to keep the latter alive.

Parents of children of all ages are welcome.

In this workshop we will explore:

 *How to take your unconscious parenting patterns and turn them into purposeful and meaningful tools toward your own self-awareness.

 *How to meet all of your children’s needs while still meeting your own.

* How to say “yes” and “no” effectively.

 *How to be your children’s guide instead of their friend or disciplinarian.

 Come join Molly Salans, LICSW for this inspiring, down-to-earth conversation. 

The Groton Wellness Medical Center 978-449-9919

Mill Run Plaza, Groton Ma.

Saturday Feb. 27, 2010 10:00-12:00pm

At last! The six week and monthly support group you’ve been looking for!

 Imagine:

*A pile free desk

*Finding things easily

*Having others to support you while you clear out the junk

 As you clear your office and home you clear your mind

 We will discuss topics such as:

*Paperwork

*Procrastination

*Time Management and more

 Six Sessions Weekly

MONDAY MORNINGS 9:30-11:00 

Jan. 24, Jan. 31,  Feb. 7, Feb. 14, Feb. 21, & Feb. 28

At Tranquility Yoga

290 Littleton Rd., Chelmsford MA.

SIX MONTHLY SESSIONS 

 Thursday Evenings 7:00 to 8:30

Sept. 16, Oct.14, Nov.18, Dec.16, Jan. 20 & Feb.17 & March. 17

at Karendyth Holisitc Center

234 Littleton RD,, Westford MA. 01886 Building B suite 1D

Imagine having spaciousness and room within your home and heart!

 Facilitators: Molly Salans   978-392-5998

 And Judith Guertin, Professional Organizer

                   978-649-7733

Are you stuck in the same habits and patterns that prevent you from moving forward in your life?  These habits and patterns often come from unresolved issues within the family. Constellations tap into the energy fields of our families, revealing the conscious and unconscious loyalties that were created out of love.

Join Claudia Greenfield and Molly Salans, LICSW for an experiential Family Constellation Workshop.

Acknowledge your family as they are-the good and the bad.

Open to accepting what is-heal the wounds- and create space for love.

Call/email Molly to register. Preregistration is required.

Sat May 1, 2010 12-5pm  

$100 per person 

Tranquility Yoga Studio 

290 Littleton Rd., Chelmsford MA.

I am now offering the Family Ties, Constellation Approach again in April. If you are tired of the same old story-tired of the same old arguement with your spouse, child, colleague or friend, then this workshop is for you.It will get to the core of the issue in a powerful and significant way that can create changes within you for months to come. Please write or call if you have any questions. I am very excited to be presenting this workshop again.?

See Classes for a description.

I can’t wait to see you all discover your most precious dreams this year. I will look forward to working with you through 2009 and beyond.

Do you want happy and successful children who will think independently and can make good choices in their lives?

Come to the Essential Parenting Seminar, held in a warm and friendly atmosphere and learn to:

*Break self-defeating behaviors and thoughts in yourself and your kids.

*Instill beliefs that will empower your children toward choice and success.

Help them to deal effectively with challenges at school and at home.

*foster interests and acdtivites that electonic, cell phones, etc. have taken away.

You are their key to the future.We can help to open the door with our innovative, life-changing techniques.

Producers: Molly Salans and Sally Sacks.

We are licensed psychotherapists and coaches with combined 44 years of experience helping others to help themselves.

Next Seminars:

Thursday Feb. 26, 2009 6;30-9:00pm

Thursday March 19, 2009: 6:30-9:oopm

Saturday March 28, 2009: 9:00-11:30am

Cost: $140

Write or call now if you are interested in signing up for the next seminar

Family Ties

An Afternoon of Family Constellations

Sat. April 25, 2009 12-5pm.

290 Littleton Rd.,Chelmsford, Ma.

Call or email Molly to register.

Cost:$100

You don’t want to miss this!

Bring your friends, and family.

You don’t have to be a parent to come to this, but you do need to be 18 years or older.

Are you stuck in the same habits and patterns,

And can’t seem to get out from under?

Constellation work is a healing approach that allows you to witness and step into an old relationship in order to see it with new eyes.

Our relationship with our family of origin impacts our relationship with family, friends, heath, work, money and more.

Constellations tap into the energy field of your family, revealing these unwanted patterns that were created out of love and loyalty.

When the pattern is revealed you have the opportunity to see it in a new way.